We’re coming to Bermuda for our wedding with 50 guests. Is it rude to not see our guests after the wedding? - Meghan, FL
Traditionally, the newlywed couple would depart for their honeymoon immediately or shortly after the wedding ceremony. The general expectation is that they would not be available to see guests anyway. It is therefore not considered rude if you chose not to plan post wedding entertainment for them. This does not mean that you should duck around the corner if you are out and about and see them approaching. That is rude because it would be inconsiderate of their feelings. You might think about including suggestions for post wedding activities or destination points of interest in the welcome packages that are prepared for your guests.
I’m getting married in Bermuda and am having a few of my friends from college as my bridesmaids. Do I have to pick up the tab for my bridesmaids airfare? - Kym, BDA
No, you do not. I would inform each bridesmaid personally, that I’d like them to be a part of the wedding and give them the wedding details. If that person considers the expense a hardship it is considerate of you to allow them the opportunity to decline the offer in private. If it is your oldest, dearest friend that you absolutely must have there, you might like to help her with the airfare, but it is not a requirement.
Traditionally it has always been that the brides family pays for the wedding and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner, liquor and flowers. Is this tradition out of date? - Sophia, NY
I wouldn’t say that the tradition you speak of is out of date because as with all traditions it provides us with guidelines that we adapt to our particular circumstances. In etiquette everything falls under the umbrella of ‘considering the feelings of others.’ If one insists on adhering to the tradition of who pays for what solely because it is a tradition, regardless of the financial situation of those involved, there is a bigger problem here that should be addressed before they go any further with wedding plans.
My fiance has a lot of acquaintances who have heard about the wedding but aren’t invited. Due to a tight budget, we have to keep it small. How do we deal with wedding crashers? - Monique, BDA
If you are referring to people who just show up at the reception, the easiest way would be to assign a diplomatic, no nonsense person to the task of greeting people at the door.
My fiance has two children from a previous relationship (age 3 & 8). Do we have to invite their mother? - Michelle, BDA
Your wedding is an occasion that shouldn’t be marred by anything unpleasant and the question you have put forward is usually an indication that all is not well between her and the two of you. No, you do not have to invite her but let’s be practical. I can’t imagine that actually saying “the children are invited and you are not” would lead to anywhere but trouble. I think your fiancé, should say to her that he is getting married and really wants the children to be included. If the relationship is not a good one but she is reasonable, you cross your fingers and hope that she accepts the children attending without her. It would be rude on her part to insist on being there herself.
Trudy Snaith
Director of The Executive School of Protocol
"The Authority in Bermuda, on Etiquette and Protocol"
P.O. Box MA 40
Somerset, MA BX
E-mail: tsnaith@ibl.bm
Telephone: 441-505-8358
Facsimile: 441-234-0160
Remember to send in your questions for Rachel Smith, Head Florist at DEMCO, by Friday, September 23rd to have them answered on September 27th!
